Kellogg essay examples: what generic AI gets wrong with the Part I & Part II
Kellogg is asking what brought you here and what your classmates will get from you. A generic draft bends your history into a story that was always heading to this goal, then closes with a readiness line that could end anyone’s essay.
It draws a straight line from childhood to your goal
“Ever since I watched my grandmother run her bakery, I knew I would build software for small businesses.” Kellogg’s prompt asks about the “pivotal experiences” that shaped your ambitions, and ambitions that never change direction read as if they have been scripted. The model connects whatever you hand it, the way your phone offers “birthday” after “happy.” It won’t flag that you left out pivotal actions that got you there, and that’s what admissions wants to learn about you. The essay is stronger where a decision visibly changed your direction, because that is where the committee sees you thinking.
Ask your AI — “Which experience in my draft actually changed my direction?”
It closes Part I with a readiness line
“After five years of steady growth, I am ready to take the next step in my leadership journey.” Kellogg asks why now, and that sentence answers without being vulnerable about the change you want to accomplish. The model fills the why-now slot with all-purpose momentum talk because it does not know what shifted for you, the ceiling you hit or the pivot you decided on. A credible why-now is an event the rest of the essay already set up.
Ask your AI — “Could my why-now sentences close another applicant’s essay without a single edit?”
It narrates your resume instead of showing your choices
“I joined as an analyst, earned two promotions, and led the automation rollout.” That is a timeline. Kellogg’s prompt calls the decision worth serious reflection, and a step-by-step retelling skips the choices behind them entirely. The essay starts working when each experience ends with what it changed in you.
Ask your AI — “After each experience in my draft, is there a sentence saying what it changed in me?”
It answers Part II with promises instead of proof
“I will mentor classmates and bring my healthcare perspective to study groups.” Future tense, nothing behind it. The model writes participation ideas, and because Part II sits at the end of a shared word count it often gets whatever words are left. Kellogg turned the lens outward on purpose, toward the students who will learn alongside you. An outward claim lands when the essay shows you doing the thing once before, the community you organized or the teammate you got heard.
Ask your AI — “How do my past contributions tie to my ideas for the impact I can bring to Kellogg?”